Choked Up

Yesterday I had a phone meeting to talk with someone about being in a webisode of some show they are doing. They mentioned they wanted to talk to me as a single mom so I took the call thinking that’s what we were going to talk about. She told me that in the show they are going to have a person ask a question and get random different people to answer it and then the original person is going to do something based on those answers. In this webisode the guy, a song writer, is going to ask people about love and then write a love song that is “real” not like the ones you hear on top 40. So as she telling me all this I got overwhelmingly and suddenly choked up. I said to her, (kind of chuckling) when you first explained this I thought you were talking about love for my children. She said uh, no, I meant romantic love.

Oh.

I was completely quiet, trying to swallow and not being able to. She said (kind of chuckling) “I remember once you said you were always so busy with your kids that you don’t even have time to think about having a relationship, and we thought that was kind of funny, you could say something like that.” I still could barely talk so I just said Oh (again) but in the back of my head I thought, I only ever say that because it’s an excuse. All I want is a relationship. So, to her I say, in the shakiest voice ever, I don’t know if I want to talk about that, it’s kind of hard for me to talk about it, I wouldn’t know what to say.

And she said, that’s exactly the kind of thing we are looking for!!!

And I said, well let me think about it. And then we went on to have a 30 minute conversation about the internet and why I have a problem writing for a site: I don’t get paid, it’s just a million voices blathering at once etc and while I was talking I felt like an old librarian with 10 cats and 92 boxes of tea in the cupboard and no boyfriend ever again for the rest of my life, like one of those sad, gray women who is half giggly/ half morose. And she’s talking, a young, super smart and energetic girl who loves her family and she gets what I am feeling, but is young enough to still be enthusiastic about possibilities and I literally feel like I started the conversation as a grape and now I’m a raisin.

The point of the guy on the webisode, that love songs on the radio are generic and don't speak (sing) for the average person is something I disagree with anyway. Aren't love songs supposed to be as corny and (as Harry says) annoying as possible and have little to do with every day life?