Bumper Car Conversations

I hadn’t been to a club in a long time, long enough that when the bartender told me my water was $7, I had a tourette’s-like reaction. Inwardly I was saying: wait, does that mean I should leave $10, but I can buy an entire case of water at Von’s for 3.99, how do people do this?, oh no I’m an old lady fussing about money! Outwardly I was completely cool and relaxed: Here’s my gold card babe, start up a tab. Inwardly: Oh my god I just said babe. Shit, I think I’m at my limit on that card. Maybe I should take it back and give him cash, no I need that for the valet, dammit. Outwardly: Thanks (subtext I’m cool and I totally belong here) Inwardly: I’m not cool at all and even when I suck in my stomach I have a muffin top.

It was my sister’s birthday and her husband was throwing her a huge party; there was going to be a burlesque show too. Everyone was happy and ready for fun and screamed when they saw each other. I looked around for someone to go up to and scream with, but I had already said hello to both of my sisters. I looked around and saw my brother taking photos of everyone.

Let me see, I said pointing to the camera.

He let me have a look at the photos. He never takes a single bad one, but still he said, I can’t see what I’m doing. He asked me what was up with our other brother, “I mean do you think he’ll ever get over it with Dad, do you think he’ll go, you know…”

To his funeral?

Yeah.

Really that’s what you were going to say? Dad’s funeral, Jesus I don’t know.

Really?

No, I mean, I don’t know…no, I don’t think he will.

Come on, how can he, I mean he has the same last name, that’s who he is, so he gets to say “I’m right”? What is that?

I don’t know; maybe he’ll go. It’s impossible to tell. It’s like 9/11; will you go to the roof or out the front door. There’s no way of knowing til it happens.

What the fuck are you talking about?

What the fuck are you talking about?

We laughed and each walked away in the opposite direction.

**

I sat down next to a beautiful couple. The guy looked like a young Spike Lee and the girl, his wife, had a perfect face with freckles and her hair pulled back tight. We had met once before at my sister’s house. She just had a baby and we talked about that. The guy kept interjecting but his face was still and serious, he was busy watching everyone else. At one point I asked him what his name was.

He said, you don’t know who I am?

No I don’t, I laughed. His wife laughed too.

I work on the same show as your brother-in-law.

I don’t watch TV.

Shit. (He still didn’t crack a smile but his wife was really giggling).

We didn’t say anything for a bit and then I said, I thought you were a super model.

He smiled and we clinked glasses.

**