Watching From Across The Street With a Pair of Binoculars

I recently got an email at work about an offer to join a website that has 11 million horny members. I don’t really have a concept of 11 million people so all I can think of is some sort of mob scene at a football stadium where people are climbing all over each other like some weird anthill cluster of pelvic-thrusting zombies. It’s not really something I want to be a part of. Ok, maybe if I was in a building across the street with a pair of binoculars. Then, you know, I might be curious. But it doesn’t sound like that much fun; feet would get stomped, throats punched, hair pulled. And before you start calling me a party pooper, let’s narrow the view down from the football stadium to your own little neighborhood, to the 100 or less people you see every day. I mean, yes it’s a given really, everyone you see is horny for a fraction of time during the day, but what if they were, you know, really horny. What if you were walking your dog down the street and you noticed your neighbor leering at you from his porch and pointing to his lap.

Hey Mr. Garcia, how's it--oh!

“For people who know what they want and want to take it to the next level” This is the next thing it says in the email. What if you know what you want but you don't know how to take it to the next level. What if you're not sure that it has anything to do with being horny, but may have something to do with being hungry. I was afraid to click the link for fear of opening up some sort of (literal and physical) virus so I just left it at that.

I want to think about things that are important to me, I want to try to figure things out. I want to have a good relationship and have a nice house and be able to pay my bills. I want my children to be happy and healthy. I want to see my friends and take vacations and finish things that I start. I don't know where or how 11 million horny members taking things to the next level fit into to all this but I can't help being totally distracted by them.