Car Wash

One of the things you have to do when you live in L.A. is go to the car wash. You might as well just accept it. I usually go to the $2.00 do it yourself kind, but every once in a while I’ll splurge and go to the fancy one. If you’ve never visited Los Angeles and you want to understand a little bit about how things work here, I suggest you go to a fancy carwash and hang out for an hour. That’s about how long it’ll take you to get through the department store that’s set up as a waiting area where you can buy books, hair accessories, boogie boards, and lubricating gel. After that you can get a manicure, pedicure, have your dog washed and fluffed, and have a three-course lunch. Then, just so you don’t accidentally have a conscious thought while you wait, you can sit in a vibrating chair and watch the E channel on a large flat screen TV.

I fully recommend that you do all these things to get the full experience.

I always get the full experience because I’m so disoriented and out of place I end up saying yes to everything. I feel like Dorothy just as the tornado is coming when she runs this way and that, and then gets knocked unconscious by an unhinged shutter. As soon as I pull in, I am bombarded with activity while this song blares out of a billboard sized speaker. One guy vacuums out the front, another guy does the back and a third guy carrying a pad of paper gives you a pitch about all the different deals you can get: with or without tire polish. Full detail. Wax. Package of 3 details for $367 dollars or one for $199.

To which I reply: What?

He starts the same entire pitch and half way through I point to the sign that says 10.99. He scribbles something on a piece of paper and then slaps it on my windshield, while I pray that he understood what I just said. Usually I can spend the entire time browsing the overpriced collection of random items in the gift shop but this last time I went straight back to the lounge area where I could play solitaire, uninterrupted, for 30 minutes. 

Yeah.

(to be continued...)