Thursday, March 14, 2013

Car Wash

One of the things you have to do when you live in L.A. is go to the car wash. You might as well just accept it. I usually go to the $2.00 do it yourself kind, but every once in a while I’ll splurge and go to the fancy one. If you’ve never visited Los Angeles and you want to understand a little bit about how things work here, I suggest you go to a fancy carwash and hang out for an hour. That’s about how long it’ll take you to get through the department store that’s set up as a waiting area where you can buy books, hair accessories, boogie boards, and lubricating gel. After that you can get a manicure, pedicure, have your dog washed and fluffed, and have a three-course lunch. Then, just so you don’t accidentally have a conscious thought while you wait, you can sit in a vibrating chair and watch the E channel on a large flat screen TV.

I fully recommend that you do all these things to get the full experience.

I always get the full experience because I’m so disoriented and out of place I end up saying yes to everything. I feel like Dorothy just as the tornado is coming when she runs this way and that, and then gets knocked unconscious by an unhinged shutter. As soon as I pull in, I am bombarded with activity while this song blares out of a billboard sized speaker. One guy vacuums out the front, another guy does the back and a third guy carrying a pad of paper gives you a pitch about all the different deals you can get: with or without tire polish. Full detail. Wax. Package of 3 details for $367 dollars or one for $199.

To which I reply: What?

He starts the same entire pitch and half way through I point to the sign that says 10.99. He scribbles something on a piece of paper and then slaps it on my windshield, while I pray that he understood what I just said. Usually I can spend the entire time browsing the overpriced collection of random items in the gift shop but this last time I went straight back to the lounge area where I could play solitaire, uninterrupted, for 30 minutes. 


(to be continued...)

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