Monday, November 25, 2013

Monday Morning Book Club

I'm still plowing through 50 shades (yeah I said plowing) and still wondering what is wrong with the world. Every time I think I can't take it, fuck this and the goddam horse (stallion with flowing mane) it rode in on, I then think how did this happen? What are these readers thinking? Are we just desperate for titillation that we are willing to put up with this. By now we all know that the main guy character is a perfectly gorgeous billionaire with a huge dick, but did you know that he also walks around with his shirt on and no pants. Just a shirt PEOPLE. Come on! He also. Talks. Like. This. With. Periods. Between. Each. Word. "That. Was. Incredible". Like a valley girl, oh. my. ga... Like a val girl one minute, and then this gem: You smell divine. You smell divine, he says!!! What's he going to say next: two snaps and a twist? Oh Hey.

The morning after the first bang, the girl wakes up to the beautiful sound of... (no, not a loud fart and pee hitting the toilet water. "Stay there babe and roll over and pull up your nighty because I'm coming right back"), she wakes up to the sound of Bach (pronounced with German accent) on a beautiful grand piano. She walks out, still a little glazed, and there's our man, fully nude of course, playing the piano. Is that not ridiculous to some people? Who are these readers? Who gets through this and then says I love this so much I'm going to read book 2, 3 and 4? No one that's having sex with a real human being.

I know I'm late to this party but who wants to stay if everyone is on medication, fantasizing about things that aren't real, and not laughing when they should be.


  1. Ha, brilliant! That's exactly what I felt about t - I skimmed through it at the airport, leafing hurriedly through to find the naughty bits and finding instead ample display of inane dialogue and rampant consumerism

  2. I think it's the mcdonald's/cinnabon of books!