When I Was Sir Laurence Olivier

Here's some documentary footage of that time I made a guest appearance on a TV show:


EXT. Night in Mexico. After many takes, the director tries to explain what he is looking for.

Okay, the scene is you and the guy. Yes you're trying to run away from him, but you're also trying to seduce him.

Why?

Because you just are, okay?

Okay.

So, you're sitting down across from him and you're all non-chalant and crap.

Okay.

And then you pick up the bottle and you slowly lick the rim of it.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Um--

What. What is it?

Well, I mean aside from the fact that I'm running for my life and probably wouldn't want to engage this guy, it's just not very... mysterious, I think if I'm being seductive I should have a little mystery.

Hm, that's interesting, no, just lick the rim.

Okay. (looks at actor, but talks to director) Like this then? (demonstration)

(director gets fixed stare, dumb smile, says nothing)

Is that what you mean?

Yeah, that's good.

Or like this? (demonstration)

(director slowly nods head) Okay.

And maybe do this with my hand on the bottle. Kind of like...that.

YES! GOOD! Do that. Do that.

Okay, got it. (deep sigh, look at actor across from me, he shrugs)

OKAY! QUIET PEOPLE!!...QUIET PLEASE!

AND ROLLING

....AND ACTION.