You Never Are

Today at the Metropolitan Courthouse, a guy ahead of me in line peed into a coke bottle.

Yes.

I first need to mention that I was there because I had three tickets for talking on the phone in the car. I know, it sounds idiotic, why don’t I have the ear phone head piece thing? Well I don’t. I’m not defiant. I’m just in denial about many things, and talking on the phone while driving being illegal is one of them. I would like to add though, that I got one of the tickets in a parking lot and another when I was stopped at a red light and the person I was driving to meet called me.

What? I know. It’s hard for me to follow rules. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I don't have feelings of entitlement. I care about things. In most cases I am extremely lucky, but I have to confess I do get a lot of tickets. I’m realizing this may be one of my issues. I’m not exactly sure about the root of this particular disorder but part of the reason I don’t address it is that it has always felt low on the priority list. Still, I realized recently that I probably could buy a pretty nice used car with the amount of tickets I’ve paid in my lifetime, so maybe it’s something to think about.

Anyway, back to the guy peeing into a bottle. I was at the courthouse getting my fines in order, and there he was, maybe the fifth guy ahead of me. At first I thought he was drinking scotch but then I realized the liquid was flowing in the wrong direction. And his penis was out.

Oh hell no, the lady behind me said.

I guess he was exhausted. He was old and we had been in line for over an hour. He was wearing shorts and slippers and only one sock. I noticed there was a yellow pus stain on the side of the sock. I’m pointing this out not so you’ll be grossed out but so that you can see that, in his own way, he was tending to things. I think most men, if given the opportunity, would pee in a bottle rather than get out of line. At the very least, I think, most men are only a step or two away from crossing that particular barrier. However, I can say fairly certainly that I, and all the women I know personally, are many, many, many more steps away from peeing into a bottle in the middle of a long line, inside a court of law, than two.

This could be on a top ten list of differences between the sexes. But I’m not sure it means anything.

The lady sighed and said Mm.

Oh yes he did, another lady said, as the guy tucked himself back in and then delicately put the lid on the bottle.

I wanted to join in with them, but it felt wrong. Like them, I have had the thought on many occasions that women are simply more evolved. That we know certain things without ever having been taught. I too have felt superior. But here I was in the Metropolian Courthouse on Hill Street in Los Angeles. I am poor and often disorganized. I say bad words in front of my children. I have not had a fulfilling relationship with a man in a long time. I cheat and lie and steal. How could I judge? I know what it’s like to break rules. I know what it’s like to convince yourself it doesn’t matter. But the thing is, even though there are times you feel invisible, you never are.