Saturday, August 6, 2011

An Oldie

I wrote this for Soul Pancake a while ago and can't remember if I posted it. If you've seen it already, sorry about that. If not, cheers big ears.

Deep Throat vs. Deep Thought

I want to talk about porn. I wonder about it. I mean on the one hand I get it: sex, boobies, wiggling body parts, sweating, moaning: all good. But isn’t there something inherently sad and lonely about the person who watches it? “I am sad and lonely so I want to watch other people simulating a pleasant experience so that I can possibly feel a physical sensation that will ultimately only remind me of how alone I am.”

I’m realizing this is not a typically male point of view.

Come on, my guy friends say. Would you stop with the sad and lonely? That has nothing to do with it. It fulfills a need. It requires no commitment or emotion. It relieves stress. It makes me forget I have troubles. It makes me feel good. It’s fun. I need it to sleep. I need it. I don’t need it. I just like it. It’s my exercise.

Seriously? Wouldn’t you rather “exercise” with another human being?


Don’t you think if you truly had something in your life that you were passionate about –your career, travels, great relationships, music, helping others, that you wouldn’t need to watch a naked woman with her legs wrapped around a pole?

You’re going down the wrong road with that question, Deirdre. Porn does not replace any of those things. It enhances them. It adds a little flavor. Don’t you have something you like to do that makes you feel good? That sheds a little light onto your dark days or takes you away from them? Something that doesn’t have anything to do with your career or helping others or any of that other crap?

Well. I like to watch youtube videos of cute animals.

That’s good.

And I like to watch shows about spas in exotic places.

Uh huh.

And sometimes I like to read People magazine.

That’s right baby. And you watched Balloon Boy didn’t you?


Come on Naughty, you know you did.

Well only for a minute.

And you liked it didn’t you?

I was curious about it being a set up.

Yeah you were.

And I felt bad that the little boy threw up on Larry King.

Not bad enough to stop.

I couldn’t stop.

Don’t stop!

I can’t stop. I can’t… OK now I feel creepy and weird.

No you don’t.

Well I feel like I should.

But you don’t.

And those other things aren’t really pornographic.

Not in the literal definition.

The thing is, I do wonder what it means that pornography is such a huge industry, that it has been with us throughout history, that it has influenced technology and that it is, as Larry Flynt says, vital to our freedom. Maybe it’s good for us.

Now you’re talking.

But all I can think about is a doughy older man with a greasy comb-over sitting all alone in front of a TV with a beta max and a roll of paper towels.

So what’s the problem?

It’s gross. It’s joyless.

Don’t judge baby.

I just think it’s strange that so many people can get so worked up about something they are not really involved in.

Oh I’m involved.

I don’t mean just physically. I mean if you’re devoting so much time to something, don’t you want more of a pay off?

The money shot.

A money shot for your soul.

You’re losing me.

Why are we are spending so much time and billions of dollars on something that is empty, hollow and lifeless?

Your lips are moving but there’s no sound coming out.

What about its effect on your spirit?

Relax baby, you’re not thinking straight. You’re confused. You’re getting carried away. Ssshhhh. Come on baby, come on now.

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