This morning I woke up and felt like doing a jig. Something's wrong with me. I'm not sure if it was the sudden cold air or my defense mechanisms kicking in. I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with joy since yesterday my computer crashed. It's actually been crashing for a few weeks now, but yesterday I took it to the geniuses to be fixed. They won't know if I've lost all my data (I just said data) until Wednesday. Yeah, tomorrow. So until then everything is a slow motion, mood swinging, roller coaster ride complete with memories of ignored warning signals like the swirling rainbow circles of death and too hot to touch undersides, and flashbacks of children, myself included, eating toast, saltines and tortilla chips over the keyboard. All I can do is put my head down on my desk and wait.
And then I feel like singing.
It's the strangest thing, this dichotomy. I feel the same way when I go into an apple store: all at once I am wide eyed and inspired, marveling at this, that, and the other, then I am ashamed and resentful, how is everyone so cool and nice and clean?? And the geniuses! Never condescending, always helpful and earnest. I'll never be any of those things. I read recently, I forget where of course, someone said whenever they go into an apple store they feel like shit-spraying the walls. I understand that. Shit spray is not a term to toss around gently, but it kind of balances out the apple majesty. I get it. I feel awe and all-mighty and then I feel overwhelmed and devastated.